Name: Ben McAlpin

Position: Writer/Game Designer

Likes: Oversized samurai swords, various medieval weapons, Ninjas, Zombies, Pirates, Ninja Pirate Zombies, Cute Pink-Haired Anime Girls

Dislikes: Hippies, Vegetarians, Communists, Waking Up, Small Talk

Responsiblities: Primary site director, responsible for choosing site content. Writes the articles and reviews. Writes the dialog for the comics. Writes the dialog for and designs the plot, characters, and levels for the games. Writes all the other text on the website.

Name: Dirk Rampage

Position: Webmaster

Likes: Radiation, Cold Damp Places, Unusual Smells, The Taste Of Blood, Heroin, Fire, Eating Small Children, Dragon Ball Z Fanfiction, The Sound That Dial-Up Modems Make

Dislikes: Light, Sound, Human Touch, Leaving His Basement, Soap

Responsiblities: Codes the extensive and complicated javascript programs running throughout the website. Designs the look and feel of the various pages on the website. Does most of the coding for the games. Eats your babies.

Name: Vladimir de McYamasuke

Position: Translator

Likes: Foreign Languages, Obselete Languages, Fictional Languages, Magical Girl Anime, Australian Accents

Dislikes: Babelfish, Instant Messenger, Mimes

Responsiblities: Translates the site and games into over 500 languages including Swedish, Arabic, Greek, Russian, Chinese, the clicky-tongue language, Latin, Old English, Hebrew, Braile, Tongues, Elvish, Klingon, and Wookiee.

Name: Michaelangelo Turtle

Position: Artist

Likes: Pizza, Surfing, Partying, Nunchucks, 1980's Slang, Sewers, April O'Neal

Dislikes: Foot Soldiers, Dimension X, Modern Remakes Of Older Cartoons, Getting Drawn With A Yellow Bandana By Some Color-Blind Twit

Responsiblities: Creates all of the graphics both on the website and in the games. Is especially good with sprite graphics. Draws the comic strips. Creates concept art for game characters. Defends the earth from Foot Soldiers led by the madman Shredder and the extradimensional being Krang.

Name: Kookisha Couponita

Position: Secretary

Likes: Dancing, Alcoholic Drinks, Karaoke, Cajun Men

Dislikes: Not Knowing Who Her Father Is, Not Knowing Who Any Of Her 37 Children's Fathers Are

Responsiblities: Handles mail, e-mail, and phone calls for Ben. Responds for him a lot, saying things that he probably wouldn't say. Writes back to people who send junk mail: "Dear smallbreastsolutions.org. Thank you for your kind offer, but my breasts are perfectly fine as they are. I was very impressed with the praise for you that your users had posted on your front page, though, and I will recommend your site to my friends who need this surgery. Please continue to send me mail about your site in case I ever decide I need it in the future."

Name: Luigi Pasolini

Position: Marketing Agent

Likes: Trenchcoats, Automatic Weapons, Expensive Jewelry, Sunglasses, Speaking In A Raspy Voice, Large Briefcases Full Of Cash

Dislikes: Police, Talking About His Work

Responsiblities: Handles the monetary aspects of B.U.R.G.E.R. Lines up sponsors, finds cheap web solutions, etc. So far, even though we have gotten next to nothing from any of our sponsors, we still have about $300,000 more than we started with. Luigi assures us not to worry about it.